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Some summer commercial work. Life imitates art… right? 😇
“Journal about why acting” has lingered on my to-do list for a few weeks now, more out of forgetfulness than avoidance. It’s a question that I have answered conceptually multiple times. The answers I’ve historically rattled off have felt hollow as of late:
Because I read about how at risk youth took acting classes and improved their executive functioning skills (via “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk)
Because I’ve always dabbled in some sort of performance art
Not bad answers, not entirely false. They haven’t felt intuitively true though.
So what’s the real reason Jiaxin? Why acting?
As I’ve dug beneath the surface, I realize I act because it sustains the novelty of living, it seasons my humble existence with the zest of life! Being on set is intoxicating. The rush of a crew, no matter how large or small, working together to create art, everyone intently focused on their job, is thrilling.
Acting immerses me in an all-consuming experience. I plunge into emotional depths and character unknowns and transport my body into the vessel of another. When I come out of it, I return feeling more at home in my body and mind.
I also like the version of myself that acts. She has the courage to create, and is more curious and playful. I end up liking others more too: acting has expanded my understanding of humanity through the compassion it requires. I’ve made the mistake of critiquing characters I’ve worked on, finding flaws in their anxiety, addiction, anger, or cowardice. I’ve learned that critique is a convenient way to distance yourself from something; its only in proximity that we can really know someone.
So now the next time someone asks me: why acting Jiaxin?
I will say: because it fills me with the zest for life. Because it makes me feel human. Because it’s FUN!
Other things making me feel the zest for life…
📺️ Whose Line Is It Anyways has become my evening wind down routine. Younger me thought scenes from a hat was the funniest thing ever. Adult me thinks they’re even funnier. They are all so freaking talented! Wayne Brady especially with his musical chops.
📕 “Stay True” by Hua Hsu. A devastatingly beautiful memoir, articulating life with such specificity and emotion. I love this one line about wanting “to feel the cozy captivity of a car”; I sometimes feel this inkling towards night drives.
🎷 Ornithology: The Best of Bird. Charlie Parker has been my recent writing and journaling partner.
That’s it for this edition, take care until the next!
XOXO JZ